The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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