my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need moral support for this bender
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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