The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
