Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
