The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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