Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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