I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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