And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
