I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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