Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
