i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
