why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
