just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
