So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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