so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
