im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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