dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize