I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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