I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
