Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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