I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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