did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
