We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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