that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
