I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize