Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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