last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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