And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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