I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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