Porn is love you can see.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
