Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
