Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
