I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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