Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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