What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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