That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
