It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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