So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
