I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
