dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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