Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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