Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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