I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
