I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
