It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
