You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize