she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
