I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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