in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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