We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
