all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
