how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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