He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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