Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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