Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
