There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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