I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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