This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
