I love having hate sex.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
