I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize